GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION
 
 Name: _______________ Stage name:________________
 
 Agent: ______________ Attorney:__________________
 
 Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male___formerly female
 __ both___
 
 If female, indicate breast implant size: ____
 
 Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely

 operate a motor vehicle in any way?
 
 Yes___ No ___
 
 Please list brand of cell phone:__________________
 
 (If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.)
 
 ____________________________________________________________
 
 Please check hair color:
 
 Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
 
 Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
 
 
 Please indicate activities you perform while driving:
 (Check all that apply)
 
 [ ] Eating
 [ ] Applying make-up
 [ ] Talking on the phone
 [ ] Slapping kids in the backseat
 [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
 [ ] Tanning
 [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of

 application)
 [ ] Watching TV
 [ ] Reading Variety magazine
 [ ] Surfing the net via laptop
 
 Please indicate how many times
 
 a) You expect to shoot at other drivers: _____
 b) You expect to be shot at while driving: _____
 
 Please indicate your number of therapy sessions per week:

 ____
 
 Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
 
 a) Prozac
 b) Zovirax
 c) Lithium
 d) Zanax
 e) Valium
 
 If none, please explain:________________________
 
 
 What is the length of your daily commute?
 
 a) 1 hour
 b) 2 hours
 c) 3 hours
 d) 4 hours or more
 
 
 
 TEST (Please indicate the correct answer):
 
 
 
 If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should

 immediately:
 
 a) Call the police to report the crime
 b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your

 car on TV
 c) Call your attorney and discuss a lawsuit against the

 cellular phone company for your 911 call not going 
 through
 d) Call your therapist
 e) None of the above (South Central residents only)
 
 
 In the event of an earthquake, you should:
 
 a) Stop your car
 b) Keep driving and hope for the best
 c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
 d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel

 4
 
 
 In the event of rain, you should:
 
 a) Never drive over 5 MPH
 b) Drive twice as fast as usual
 c) You're not sure what "rain" is
 
 
 
 When stopped by police, you should:
 
 a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance

 form ready
 b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405
 c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack,

 ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit
 
 
 
 Please turn your test in to the lady behind the bullet-proof

 virtual window on your left.