Deep (but young) thought
================== 
   
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 
were 
asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey." 

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which 
is why 
I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to 
wash 
clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15 

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to 
accept 
the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. -Age 13 

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's 
birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would 
have a 
lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or 
December 26, 
just for the long weekends. -Age 8 

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about 
letting 
just any old yokel vote. -Age 10 

Home is where the house is. -Age 6 

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of 
Halloween. 
-Age 13 

I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as 
some 
people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he 
sucks. 
-Age 15 

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green 
cheese. Then 
the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. 
That's 
what happens to cheese when you leave it out. -Age 6 

My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him 
we get 
buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess 
I 
should have told him the truth - that most of us go to hell and 
burn 
eternally...but I didn't want to upset him. -Age 10 

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it 
was 
just a lawn mower. -Age 11 

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set 
aside a 
few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a 
couple of 
days saved up. -Age 7 

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my 
teacher. 
That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. -Age 15 

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an 
accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone 
needed it, 
the blood would be right there. -Age 5 

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize 
world 
peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be 
until the 
looting started. -Age 15