- The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity 

 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 

 - Money can't buy happiness... But it sure makes misery easier to live with.  

- Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. 
If  they're OK, it's you !  

- It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.  

- The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody  
appreciates how difficult it was.  

- Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor. 

 - Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to  criticize, but if 
everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.  

- Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be  evenly distributed. 

- If you don't die from it - it is healthy.  

- You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people  some of the time, but
you can't fool mum.