Here's a list of (supposedly) actual classified ads from city newspapers: 


- Illiterate? Write today for free help. 
- Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll 
never go anywhere again. 
- Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and 
smacks included. 
- Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. 
- Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel 
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. 
- Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for 
efficient beating. 
- Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue 
Cross and salary. 
- Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 
- For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large 
drawers. 
- Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to 
take home, too. 
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. 
- Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. 
- Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated. 
- Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours. 
- Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. 
- Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 
- Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. 
- Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume 
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of 
contributing to growth of family. 
- And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, 
unrivaled inconvenience. 
- We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for 
$1.00 
Stock up and save. Limit: one. 
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