Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Worse: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Worse: You're in them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a crossdresser
Worse: He looks better than you

Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Worse: So are you

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Worse: With corrections

Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Worse: She's a lawyer

Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Worse: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: You came home for a quickie
Bad: The postman had the same idea
Worse: You have to wait